Friday, August 21

Holding Pattern

I have no doubt that there will be a time in my near (or even distant) future that I will have that "a-ha!" moment concerning what God is doing in my life right now.

I think back to a year ago... just home to Chetek from a high school reunion in Colorado Springs, dreaming about mountain real estate & spending tons of time online trying to find Steve a job & us a home in Colorado. It would appear as though I was setting the ball in motion, but it wasn't me. It was Him.

Now, here we are in Gunnison, and quite frankly... I don't have a clue what to do with myself.

Back in Dairyland I was wife, mom, bookkeeper, teacher, waitress, teeny-tiny hobby farmer, gardener, kayak guide, and in constant daily contact with friends.

Now, I feel like I play tourist everyday. We fish, or hike, or camp. We visit the library, the rec center, the parks. We are slowly meeting other families, other homeschoolers, other Believers. We think we've found a church, we love the teaching & the small congregation has welcomed us with outstretched arms & words of encouragement.

I'm so thankful for our apartment here at the park. Steve is able to walk the 5 minute commute to work each morning. The kids have ample biking & skateboarding room with all of the inter-park roads & trails. We have gold-medal fishing just minutes away, and hundreds of miles of hiking right outside our door.

So how is it that I'm so frustrated?! I have all of these good things, yet each day I feel helpless.

Now, don't misunderstand me! There has not been a day since we arrived here that I don't stand on the front stoop, looking north at the West Elk Wilderness, and get misty-eyed. Because, holy cow, I'm really back! After 22 years of thinking Colorado was just vacationland, it's home again!

I suspect the frustration really boils down to impatience on my part. I know the real estate market in Chetek is lousy, and it might take many months to sell our house or business. To top that off, we've found property here that we love & could afford & it's just at our fingertips, if only something would sell in Chetek. And so many things are brewing right now that Steve & I have absolutely no control over, it's driving me batty! It's such a long, convoluted story that I won't tell it here. It's all real estate-related & to be blunt, I'm really sick of it.

So, here I sit, staring a long winter in the face, predicting that this homeschooling family of 5 will be driving each other completely insane on the days it's too cold to venture out. There's only so many places you can get away in 750 square feet!

Looks like it's about time to take up snowshoeing/snowboarding/skiing. And, I suppose the motorheads of this clan are dreaming of snowmobiles, now that we've heard 35 feet of snow fell just north of here last winter. Yes, you read that right. 35 FEET! Think of the snowmen you could make!

It also looks like I need to stop wishing & wanting for a bit, because really.... my cup runneth over. Patience is what I'm lacking, not blessings.


Mommy said...

The waiting is tough, isn't it? Especially when we don't know what's on the other side of the wait. That's where I am right now. But it's exciting to think of what the Lord has planned and remind myself that His plan is the best whether it's what I picture or not. I keep reminding myself of that.

Wish I could zoom out there and give you a squeeze (and I'm not much of a squeezer, you know). Thanks for the reminder to pray for you guys: house/business sale, adjusting to life there, finding your own place, etc.

Love you!

Thicket Dweller said...

I know exactly what you mean. We had an almost identical experience when we moved to The Thicket ten years ago. We were in a tiny cabin (seven of us!) surrounded by beauty and woods and trails and nature, but, come winter, I was pregnant and it was icy and I was sure that I'd murder someone before the thaw.

Hang in there. Take walks. Make snow forts. God will move those walls.

Anonymous said...

Um, OK. I think is is AMAZING (!) that y'all packed up and moved to CO. That y'all are where you're at today. That y'all packed up and moved Steve. This is AMAZING. Real estate markets go up, real estate markets go down. God's mercy and grace is from everlasting to everlasting. The wee garden (which BTW, kudos to the tribe), may feel small. Enjoy it for the blip it is ...

My two cents and blessings,

1st SIL, K8